RELATIONSHIPS: Boundary Setting Exercises

Boundary setting is vital for emotional and energetic health. These exercises, done alone or with others, help you feel what healthy boundaries are like in your body and teach you how to maintain them in everyday life.

RELATIONSHIPSFAMILY SYSTEMSSYSTEMIC CONSTELLATIONS

8/16/20253 min read

Do you have healthy boundaries? Here are some signs you might not:

You can’t say no without feeling guilt
You always put others’ needs above your own.
You let people into your space without noticing how it affects you.
You often struggle in relationships.

In my Systemic Constellations group workshops, I often include a variety of boundary-setting exercises. I use different methods to help participants feel a strong sense of separation and support. Sometimes, having people imagine their boundary as an island or adding ancestors standing behind them makes this feeling even stronger.

Learning to set healthy boundaries in everyday life is a gradual process. While a constellation can shift how the client perceives a relationship, it doesn’t instantly teach them boundaries. After this shift, setting boundaries—with both the living and those who have passed—is the next step.

Changing old habits isn’t easy, as the brain tends to stick with what it knows. Knowing your own boundaries means learning to stay present in your body. If you’re disconnected, old habits take over. Boundary-setting exercises help you reconnect with your body. Many people avoid being in their bodies because of old, uncomfortable emotions—sometimes this means having no boundaries, and other times, having walls of emotional armor. Even shallow breathing can be a way to numb ourselves. Deep, conscious breathing helps us connect to our life energy, which is key for wellbeing.

Boundary Setting Exercises

1. Boundary-Setting Checklist
Create a list of situations where boundaries may be tested (e.g., work, family, friends), and note down your preferred, assertive response for each. Review and update regularly to reinforce boundary skills1.

2. Progressive Exposure to Boundary Challenges
Gradually practice boundary-setting, starting with easier scenarios and moving to more challenging ones as confidence grows. Keep a journal to monitor progress and reflect on feelings and experiences1.

3. Role-Playing Scenarios
With a partner, practice boundary-setting conversations by acting out real-life scenarios—taking turns as each role—and provide each other feedback (e.g., saying no to extra work, setting limits with friends)1.

4. Boundary Statement “I-Statement” Template
Use a structured formula for expressing a boundary clearly:

“I feel [emotion] when [action/boundary crossed], because [reason]. I need/prefer [preferred behavior]. Therefore, [optional: consequences or benefits].”
Example: “I feel uncomfortable when you text me after work hours because I value my time off. I prefer that you only text me during work hours unless it’s urgent.”2

5. Personal Space Activity
In pairs (preferably with someone new), have one person slowly approach the other with their eyes closed. The stationary person says “stop” when they feel their space has been encroached. Switch roles and debrief. This simple activity increases body awareness and highlights differences in personal space preferences3.

6. Visualization and Action Planning
Visualize yourself effectively setting a boundary in a difficult scenario, then develop an actionable plan—breaking it down into steps, setting deadlines, and considering accountability so you’re prepared for real-life situations1.

7. Negotiating Boundaries
Actively “negotiate” boundaries in conversations: verbally clarify if you want tighter or looser boundaries (e.g., telling a parent you don't want to discuss certain topics). Practice recognizing implicit and explicit negotiation cues and respond accordingly to maintain comfort4.

8. Group Boundary-Setting Activities
In a group or workshop setting, take turns practicing asserting boundaries, sharing experiences, and giving/receiving support. Collective feedback helps reinforce skills and normalizes the process1 5.

9. Group Boundary Setting With Body Language
This exercise (from Positive Psychology) uses both speech and nonverbal cues in a small group to identify, communicate, and respect each member’s personal boundary, enhancing both self-awareness and group dynamics5.

For worksheets, templates, and more structured activities suitable for clients and groups, the following are valuable resources:

PositivePsychology.com Worksheets and Tools6
TherapistAid Setting Boundaries Worksheet7
UC Davis CARE Boundary Setting Toolkit8

Each resource provides slightly different perspectives and methods, suitable for diverse situations—from visualization and mental rehearsal, to structured communication, to somatic/experiential practices and peer feedback.

Sources:

1 18 Setting Boundaries Exercises To Try At Your Own Pace - BestTherapists.com
2 Setting Professional Boundaries in a Changing Work Environment (PDF)
3 Building Better Boundaries - University of Alberta (PDF)
4 Interpersonal Boundaries: Exercises, Worksheets, Videos - Dialectical Behavior Therapy
5 How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships - Positive Psychology
6 14 Worksheets for Setting Healthy Boundaries - Positive Psychology
7 Setting Boundaries | Worksheet - Therapist Aid
8 Boundary Setting Toolkit (PDF) - UC Davis CARE

These exercises can be combined or adapted to fit individual or group needs, in both clinical and personal growth contexts.

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