Understanding Family Constellations: Patriarchy

Family Constellations work often gets criticized for supposedly promoting patriarchal values and rigid family structures. As someone who has trained with facilitators around the world, I want to address these concerns and explain what this healing approach is really about.

The Origins and Flexibility of the Work

Bert Hellinger created Family Constellations as a way to move beyond the conventional therapy models of his time. He didn't copyright the method because he wanted it to grow and evolve, allowing practitioners to add their own insights and backgrounds to their work.

This openness means each facilitator brings their own perspective to the practice. However, it also creates space for misunderstanding when practitioners bring their own unhealed biases—including patriarchal ones—into their work.

Energy Dynamics vs. Cultural Hierarchies

The apparent "traditional" arrangement in Family Constellations—father first, then mother, followed by children in birth order—often triggers strong reactions from those who've worked to move beyond conventional gender roles. This response is understandable but may indicate unresolved wounds within one's own family system that deserve attention.

The positioning reflects energetic dynamics rather than social hierarchies. The field typically places the primary protector—the family member who most frequently engages with the outside world—in the first position. Historically and biologically, this has often been the father figure. The nurturer, typically responsible for childcare and maintaining the family environment, follows. This arrangement emerged from survival needs developed over millennia, not from cultural power structures.

Biological Patterns and Modern Changes

While social roles have changed dramatically in recent decades, especially with more women in the workforce, biological and energy patterns built over thousands of years don't change as quickly. The woman's connection to pregnancy and early child care, and the man's traditional role as outside provider, still carry energetic weight even when social roles shift.

These observations aren't support for rigid gender roles but recognition of deep patterns that still influence family systems, regardless of our conscious efforts to change them.

The True Nature of Family Order

Through extensive observation across thousands of constellations, practitioners have identified consistent patterns in how family systems naturally organize themselves. The standard arrangement places ancestors behind parents as sources of support, with all family members—including those who died young, were adopted, miscarried, or aborted—acknowledged and given their rightful place.

When circumstances warrant it, positions may shift. If a mother serves as the primary protector due to the father's incapacity, she may take the first position. The arrangement always serves the system's energetic needs rather than conforming to rigid rules.

Respect vs. Authority

One of the most misunderstood aspects involves the concept of parental authority. The work emphasizes respecting parents as life-givers rather than submitting to authoritarian control. This respect involves accepting parental love as offered, understanding their emotional journeys with compassion, and recognizing their fundamental role in bringing us into existence.

The principle that adults have priority over children reflects the natural flow of giving within families—those who came first and received more are positioned to give to those who follow. Similarly, the couple relationship takes precedence over parent-child relationships because without the couple, children wouldn't exist. These aren't value judgments but recognition of natural order and flow.

Context and Healing

Family Constellations work becomes problematic only when taken out of context or when facilitators bring their own unhealed wounds and biases into the process. The methodology itself doesn't promote patriarchy, but practitioners who haven't addressed their own relationship with power dynamics may unconsciously impose these patterns on their work.

For those triggered by these concepts, the reaction itself often points toward important healing opportunities within their own family relationships. The goal isn't to perpetuate outdated power structures but to understand and work with the deeper energetic forces that shape family systems across cultures and generations.

Understanding Family Constellations requires looking beyond surface appearances to grasp the underlying principles of connection, respect, and energetic flow that serve healing rather than hierarchy.